One day, not very long ago, i woke up and took a long look in the mirror. I didn't like what i saw. I didn't like what other people saw.
I didn't want to be that woman anymore. I didn't want to be anxious all the time. I didn't want to live in constant fear that sadness would work it's way in and turn my heart black again.
I didn't want a bathroom full of pharmaceuticals that filled me with sickness and rage. I didn't want to look at a bottle of pills and wonder if i had enough to save me or end me. I didn't want to sit in some doctors office and justify why i needed another prescription for clonazepam.
I was sick of being the victim. I didn't want that part anymore.
And so i laced up some running shoes and tentatively stepped out in the crispy spring air and ran a little bit. There was something in those steps that filled me with excitement. Something close to happiness.
And i kept running. My new addiction. Oxygen and adrenaline flying through my body was the best high i had ever felt. And suddenly my mind calmed. My thoughts didn't race nearly as often. Days, and then weeks, went by without crippling anxiety stealing my life away from me.
I ran with 6,000 other people for two hours. The intensity of that many feet and minds pushing to a similar goal changed my life.
I want to run forever. I hope to run a marathon this year and every single year i am physically capable.